The closest thing we found here were these Rakete (rocket) popsicles. They're far more natural tasting than the U.S. version, and they have a funky thin chocolate coating on the tip. Strange, but they did the job and made my cold a little more bearable.
So, I decided to make a third mitten. I figured that the tension would be closer to one or the other. I was right and it was closer to the smaller mitten. Yay! And now I have a single mitten that I don't know what to do with. Hot spare? Try to make a larger mitten again? I'm still not sure.
On the up-side, some of my experiments from the first mitten did turn out well: the needle alignment and pulling tight when switching needles helped a lot. There's barely a gap visible where I switched needles. I also figured out the difference between ssk (slip-slip-knit) and k2tog (knit 2 together) after further research online.